Your demons never leave you.

I think anorexia has claimed me victim once more. I need this control. I need to destroy myself. I have nothing.

Other Romantic Tales

Hearing about people's romantic dates painfully reminds me of how I don't see much - or any actually- of them. I just have to pretend I care and smile.
"Aww I'm so happy for you. That's so cute!"

"I wanna be adored..."

Breaking Point

I've hit breaking point and I want to smash through these barriers and into a new world where I will be loved and appreciated; where I can play piano at any volume; where I can get him without fear of anyone being there; where I don't cry; where I don't regularly think of suicide; where I don't hate everything I am; where stress doesn't exist; where I'm happy.

This is getting too much for just one, fragile girl.

Isolated from 7 billion.

I am lonely.

The desire to have one person just let me rest against their chest or put my head on their lap whilst they tickle my neck is becoming too much to ignore.

I'm very alone in this world.

Breaking hearts.

I'm considering the notion of becoming a heartbreaker. I want to be one of those girls that boys want to love and lust for even after I've destroyed them. I want to be desired and make them feel the pain I feel when my heart breaks.

Love Doesn't Exist

I allow myself to steal a moment of pretending he's beside me in my bed. Just lying there, not moving, but staring blindly into the darkness and trying to pinpoint the bare skin of my back. I imagine the warmth, his arms and his smell that I remember inhaling unintentionally when he hugged me once. And then I fade back into reality and try to sleep without him in my mind, in my thoughts and in my words.

"Up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness."

Stopping.

I told him I don't trust him or believe any of the sweet things he says to me. He told me to stop and to believe him. I told I would never stop.

I miss everything I used to be.